I think you’re in the wrong line…

I had to go to a meeting today about 15 miles from my office so I took advantage of the break and stopped by a Barnes & Noble for a cup of cafe mocha  (decaf and skim milk please and yes, I’ll have whipped cream on that).  When I got to the Starbucks counter there was a guy in front of me placing an order.  He was asking the person behind the counter (I think they call themselves baristas) about the menu…

Mr. C. Lueless:  “Oh…I don’t know what to order”

Barista:  “Well, those are our iced beverages (pointing to one side of the menu) and these are our hot beverages.  What are you in the mood for?”

There was a long pause.  So long, in fact that I began to get uncomfortable and almost stepped in to order something for the guy.  He was totally confused.

Mr. C. Lueless:  “Ummmmm…..I’m not sure.  I guess a regular coffee” Now this guy was clearly in over his head and was confused.  The correct thing to do would be to fill the nearest cup with any sort of brown, caffinated liquid and get him on his way.  I’m beginning to suspect the Barista was a bit of a sadist however and decided to torture this guy some more.

Barista:  “Would you like our House Blend or Supremo?”

Now, was she really expecting this guy to be able to differentiate between coffee blends?  He really didn’t give any indication that he was some sort of coffee aficionado and looked like he’d be just as happy with some Folgers crystals…dry. 

Mr. C.:  “Uh…house?”

Barista:  “Ok.”  Then she turned the knife.  “What size would you like?”

The poor guy was just trying to get some coffee but now he had to deal with the goofy Starbucks sizes.  Instead of the normal:  small, medium, large spectrum that everyone understands, Starbucks uses the ‘tall, grande and venti’ one that, I guess, is suppossed to make you feel better about spending $3.20 for a small cafe mocha but really just confusing poor saps like this.  After all, when I order at a Starbucks I say small, medium or large.  I figure the staff there can do the ‘English to Starbucks’ conversion.  But this guy doesn’t know this so he says:

Mr. C.:  “Uh…small….uh oh.”  At this point he realized that small doesn’t appear anywhere on the menu and the first size he sees is ‘tall’ which, to people who aren’t familiar with the words ‘grande’ or ‘venti’, would seem to correspond to ‘large’ (and who knows what those other terms would mean…perhaps a government warning about drinking too much coffee only in Latin, like caveat emptor). 

But she finally gives the guy some mercy and gets him a small.  I’m just stunned that someone could have so much trouble with a cafe menu in a bookstore.  In fact, he had a book in his hand.  He’s not some goofball who spends his life watching bass fishing on TV all day. 

So, then I became facinated with what he was reading.  I just had to find out what it was.  Quantum physics?  The works of Plato in Greek?  What?  I’m HAD to find out what book he had.  After trying to look like I wasn’t interested (but probably looking like some freak-o serial killer) I finally saw what he had. 

Ah….one of the classics.