Daily Archives: April 15, 2010

The wit of Dan

Dan Drezner’s blog really sneaks up on you.  You start reading it for the perspective on international relations…you keep reading it for posts like these.

I briefly toyed with doing a post on a blogging virus that had been going around where people wrote about the 10 most influential books in their lives but I just couldn’t muster up the interest in compiling the list and so was sure there wouldn’t be anyone interested in reading the damn thing.

This however, is very interesting so if you were thinking about hiring me for speaking/consulting/birthday party events these are conditions that will have to be written into the contract rider.

  1. Lodgings will be made in either a deluxe hotel or in a average hotel that has otherwise been filled to capacity by supermodels whose bus broke down a few miles back and, strangely enough, all contact with the outside world has been cut off.  It’ll be a few days before help arrives.  In the latter case, my minibar will be the only full one in the facility.  All other male personnel will be barred from the premises.
  2. Lodging will be well stocked with food and weapons suitable for at least seven (7) days survival in case of a zombie uprising.
  3. Host will provide (at a minimum) 2 flunkies, 3 toadies and one lick-spittle.  Running dogs (capitalist or otherwise) are NOT suitable alternatives.
  4. Questions from the audience will permitted only if they are presented in a minimum of five (5) parts with a standing ovation after each attempt by me to answer each part (chants of ‘whoop! whoop!’  or catch phrases are optional)
  5. Host will provide a package of low fat, heart healthy Ring Dings or create a remarkable facsimile.
  6. Travel will be via economy class.  Host will reserve the entire row I will be sitting in plus the ones in front of and behind me as well.
  7. Any room that I am to stay in for more than 24 minutes that has a television will have the following shows blocked via electronic methods, preventing even accidental viewing:  American Idol, Fox News, and any incarnation of ‘Law and Order’.