Swedish Vacation Update Part 2

My last post was all about the good things I’ve been finding here in Sweden.  But, all is not well in the land of the eternally pale people.  Here is the downside to traveling here in Sweden.

1. Computer keyboards:  Swedish computer keyboards are set up differently than our to accommodate their extra letters (å, ö, ä) and that throws the whole thing out of whack.  The world will be a much better place when everyone speaks American…just like Jesus did.
2. The price of gas:  Holy Cripes!!!  You think it’s expensive to fill up your gas tank?  Well, buckle up bonehead cause you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.  I rented a Nissan Note (by the way, a fun little car with tons of room) and it cost me 484 Swedish Kronar to fill it up with 35 litres.  Now for those of you not up on your Kronar to dollar and litre to gallon conversions, that works out to just over $10 per gallon. 
   

   You'll need a loan to pay for your gas soon...

3.  The price of everything else:  If you think discussions about U.S. monetary policy are exclusively for pencil necked geeks in Washington D.C. and don’t effect you then just take a trip out of the country.  Our weak dollar policy may mean that foreign nations can buy our goods and services cheaply but it also means that you can’t get a decent meal in Sweden for less than 25 or 30 dollars and a nice (not fancy, just nice) meal with a drink or two is going to propel you into the 50-60 dollar range (per person of course).  In fact, it’s pretty hard to do anything here without spending gobs of money.  I think even a no-frills trip (backpacking on a Euro-rail ticket, camping or sleeping on the train, living off of sandwiches you put together from the cheapest stuff in the supermarket…ah, the good ol’ days) would cost you a pretty penny.
4. Stretch pants:  While summer in Sweden can hardly be described as ’scortching’, it is warmer than the locals are generally used to.  Also, there is some truth to the stereotype about Swedes being beautiful.  So, why Swedish women seem to insist on wearing stretch pants with everything is totally beyond me.  It makes you feel like you’re having some sort of bad 1980s flashback or something.
5. Low speed limits:  Given how well Swedes can drive and the amazing condition of their roads (I can’t remember a single pot hole in over 700 miles of road) some of their speed limits are maddeningly slow.  You’ll be able to resist the urge to speed though, since traffic cameras are everywhere ready to snap your picture and send you a ticket in the mail.
6. No greens:  Swedes donät seem to have fully grasped the concept of the salad.  When you see it on the menu, it usually means you’ll be getting a few pathetic strips of iceberg lettuce next to your entree.  I suspect it’s there more to fill up your plate than your stomach.  The explanation for this lack of green stuff in the diet may be explained by #7, below.
7. Toilet paper:  Sweden is a highly industrialized, civilized nation and its citizens are among the most happy and satisfied in the world.  Yet, the idea that toilet paper can be both efficient and comfortable seems to be beyond them.  I swear that some of the material that passes for toilet paper here and that I’ve unfortunately had to experience, would do a better job at removing paint and varnish than any 30 grit sandpaper you could get at Home Depot.

Vacation Update - Tourist trap alert!

I have two guidebooks for my vacation here:  The Lonely Planet and Frommers.  The latter is far superior but still far from perfect.  Lonely Planet is going to have a hard time winning back my trust after daring to recommend Grönäsens Älgpark, a ‘moose park’ which sounds like it would be interesting and fun but really  is just an excuse to waste your time and money.  Your $8 admission fee enables you to walk around a 1.3 km enclosure that has about 5 moose in it (you may or may not get to see any), a look into the ‘museum’ (which consists of 3 stuffed moose in various death scenes and no accompanying information whatsoever), a gift shop demonstrating the ability of Chinese slave laborers to put moose images on virtually any type of mass produced crap product and access to the BBQ where you can cook and eat your own meal (as long as you buy all the food from the gift shop).

That’s an hour of my life I definitely want back.

Vacation update

I usually plan to write a vacation wrap up post when I get home, but unfolding events always take over and before I know it so much time has elapsed that the things I want to write about seem a bit stale.  So, with about a week of Sweden under my belt, another to go and some free time on my hands I’ve decided to write down my impressions thus far.  I’ve just sort of naturally begun to create a mental ‘good/bad’ list about my impressions and here they are:

The Good:

1. Swedish Drivers:  Because Swedes have to devote a great deal of time, money and practice in order to get a drivers licence (as opposed to our ‘Get a free drivers licence with every purchase of giant sized slurpee!’ system) Swedes actually know and follow the rules of the road.  It’s an American passtime to say that bad drivers are confined to a particular state (like New Yorkers who seem determined to actually win the title for the worst drivers in America) but let’s face it.  We all suck at driving.  Don’t believe me?  Perhaps you think all my wine and brie eating has turned me into some sort of pinko, America-hating, Eurotrash wannabe?  Just do to your nearest four way stop or traffic circle and see how well our fellow citizens do.
2. No (well, very few anyway) billboards:  You might not even realize how pretty the countryside is that you drive through every day but get the opportunity to drive somewhere not clogged with crappy advertisements for junk you don’t want and you might actually like the view.
3. Fewer extras in the food:  Check out the labels of the food you buy.  Can you tell me why it needs all that high fructose corn syrup and all those chemical additives?  Didn’t they used to make bread, cookies, juice, mustard and everything else without that crap just a few short decades ago?  It seems a bit easier to find crap free food here. 
4. People treated like adults:  As I’ve been bouncing around I’ve noticed a lack of warning labels, barriers, overseers, and other contrivences to sterilize our lives into a Disneyfied simulation of real life.  Here you’re expected to know that it’s not a good idea to touch an electrified fence without being told.  Seems like common sense to me.
5. Allansrätten:  Swedish custom views property and land rights differently than we do.  So long as you steer clear of homes (about 70 meters according to the Lonely Planet guide), cultivated areas or a few restricted places, don’t be an ass or trash the place you can go anywhere you like in the country.  Someone owns a few hundred acres of forest?  You can hike or even camp there overnight if you’d like.  It’s an incredibly civilie zed concept and one I wish we had every time I have to take the hour drive past tons of private lakes in order to put my kayak in the water.
6. Swedish radio:  Perhaps itäs because it reminds me of the feel good news of the 1970s AM radio or the fact that I don’t understand a word of it but I actually enjoyed listening to pop radio in Sweden.  The music seems to be written with the understanding that it’s not going to change civilization and, in fact, might not even make it through the summer but who cares?  Tap your feet and enjoy the next few hundred replays until you’re sick of it and we’ll move on to the next one. 
7. Daylight:  There’s so much of it here you run out of energy before the sun does.  If you’re trying to cram as much sightseening as you can into a short amount of time you can’t being this close to the top of the world during summer.

That’s it so far for the good stuff…Next time we move on to the bad….

I better quit screwing around…the end is near

Apparently, the European Organization for Nuclear Research is going to do a little experimenting that some people say will lead to the creation of a black hole that will destroy the planet and cause the human race to go extinct.

It’s suppossed to happen in late August which means you might not want to make any big plans for Labor Day.

The agency and its media flunkies say there’s no problem.  Others disagree.

All I know is I can’t do anything about it either way.

On the bright side, at least it’ll prevent that zombie invasion I’ve been worrying about.

Better bring comfortable shoes

Looks like I’ll be doing a lot of walking over the next few weeks…

Mr. Harker, I presume?

I went to go see Dracula: The Journal of Jonathan Harker last night which was part of the Pennsylvania Shakespeare Festival at DeSales University.  It is a one man show and I had no idea how that sort of thing could be pulled off but the actor, Christopher Patrick Mullen, did a phenomenal job.  Brilliant adaptation of the story, great set and super performance.  Definitely worth the price of the ticket and the long drive to see it.

S-L-A-C-K-E-R

I’ve been on leave for the past two weeks and I can tell you that it isn’t good.  Having this much time off just to relax reminds me that I could do this forever.  I’m not one of those guys who has to be working in order to find self worth.  Nope.  I could spend my days walking Shiloh, reading and other worthwhile pursuits.

So…back to work for two weeks and then another vacation (this time for about a month).

I could really use a trust fund.

And apparently I’m not the only one.

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of Arcadia

Last night I went to see the Princeton Summer Theater production of Arcadia. The performance was a bit uneven with some of the players much better than others but generally pretty good. Unfortunately, I had to leave at the intermission because the theater (being built in the 19th century) doesn’t seem to have any climate control and a warm summer evening quickly became a steam bath.

But I will not be discouraged! I have very high expectations for my next attempt at theater going: Dracula: The Journal of Jonathan Harker. I know, ‘Dracula? In June?’ Well, I don’t make up the schedules so you just have to go with the flow.

Flash from Obama HQ

Yesterday I went to the local Barack Obama campaign headquarters to attend an organizational meeting. I’ve never been involved in a political campaign before and wanted to see what happens at these sorts of places. It was a bit disappointing arriving at the place since the phrase ‘campaign headquarters’ conjures up all sorts of images in my head of political flacks running around, media demanding statements and that sort of thing but, in fact, the place was a rather non-descript, squat building that actually belonged to my local congressman (the outstanding Patrick Murphy (who I don’t think is a member of the Dropkick Murphy’s although, to be honest, I didn’t ask - (hey, check it out I’ve parenthesized a parenthesis!  This is like a mathematical equation!))) and was in desperate need of a good vacuuming.

That being said there was a pretty interesting mix of people at the meeting.  I’d say it was about a 50/50 mix of those who had worked political campaigns before and those totally new to the whole thing.  Of course, it was a bit messy for my tastes.  The fact that everyone is a volunteer and therefore not only has their own ideas of how to best do things but also has no hesitation in voicing those opinions left me wanting a little Stalinistic (or even Cheneyistic) order by the end of the 2 hour meeting but I guess that’s what democracy is all about.

I’ve yet to decide how much, if at all, I’ll dive into this politicking.  I’m afraid it might interfere with my plans for world domination.

The six continents of Borders

I’m in Borders right now doing some homework and enjoying some ‘Foo-foo’ coffee (the only kind I can drink).  In my attempt to use this place as a kind of hip library I went to see if they had anything that could help me on a question I had about Niger.  Well, believe it or not, there isn’t one non-fiction book in the whole store about Africa.

Not one.

Even the Polar regions have a small section dedicated to them.  You’d think every continent would merit at least one book.

Yeesh…I just now this is some sort of metaphor for U.S. policy towards Africa.  It’s so far off our radar we don’t even know it’s missing.