Winning the war one happy ending at a time

Really, one doesn’t know where to begin with this story.

A Swedish army gender adviser in Afghanistan has taken the Armed Forces to task for only employing local men to perform massages on troops stationed in Mazar-E-Sharif.

I truly understand how important it is to be as comfortable as possible when you’re deployed far from home in a hostile environment (Hey, I’ve been to Texas) but really, massages?  And no offense to the fine men of Afghanistan (I made a number of friends there) but I can say with a high degree of confidence that I never met one that I would have wanted to give me a massage.  Apart from that, however, just think of the optics.  Isn’t there already an impression that we’re decadent Westerners looking to corrupt the salt-of-the-earth Afghans (and others)?  Do we really need to add fuel to the fire by hiring masseuses?

…Gender Field Adviser Captain Krister Fahlstedt of Afghanistan force FS17 took exception to an army contract specifying that on-base massage services should be provided exclusively by men.

Yeah, the only thing that could make this story better is the help wanted ad asking for Afghan women to come to the local military base where they could rub down Western soldiers for money.  I’m sure that won’t get lost in translation, even assuming this doesn’t turn into some sort of hanky-panky hotel (and there’s plenty of precedent for that sort of activity).

So they have ‘Gender Field Advisers’ (please tell me that’s an additional duty and not a full time assignment) to weigh in on who should be massaging soldiers in a war zone (correct answer:   no one) in the name of gender equality and meanwhile, the Swedish military is unable to properly equip its female soldiers:

Despite the fact that they’ve been part of the Swedish Armed Forces for decades, female soldiers still have no choice but to don men’s underwear or risk the perils of combat in flammable civilian bras and panties.

“Nothing has been designed with women in mind. All the sizes are too big: from boots, protective vests and shirts to the shoulder straps on our AK5 assault rifles.”

Kvick Tänkare

Coolest house ever.

One nice thing about being born in the late ’60s before everyone got jaded with all this new fangled technology:  The fact that people are actually living in space totally blows me away.

Pirated music isn’t as bad for the music industry and they would have you believe.  In fact, it’s pretty darn good.

Sven has an great post about self organization and team dynamics (no, really, it is interesting).  I also highly recommend the comments section.

Blogging FAIL:  I wrote a blog post about Camden, NJ  in less than glowing terms.  It got picked up as an automatically generated link to a post about the ‘Top 3 Exciting Weekend Getaways in NJ‘.  Not exactly sure what the target demographic is for tourism to the city labeled as one of the most dangerous in the country for the past several years but this takes thrill seeking a bit far.

Biggest question about the TSA?  What’s the ‘S’ stand for?  It certainly can’t be security.  Really, couldn’t they do something right, I mean, just to surprise us?  (H/T Boing Boing)

Hey, you know I love the Swedes, but they make shit recruiting commercials for their military.  Who the hell would sign up after watching this commercial?  Nothing about service, training, patriotism or peacekeeping.  In fact, it looks like you’ll be shooting at and brutalizing civilians.

I can only be left with two alternatives:  Either this isn’t a real commercial or whoever approves these ads don’t really want people to join the military (*cough* SDP and Greens *cough*).  Given Swedish politics I am unable to discount the later.

Veterans Day

The next time somebody tells you animals don’t have ‘real’ feelings remember this (H/T Daily Dish).  Family and friends aren’t the only ones who miss soldiers who are away…

More here…

If this doesn’t make you either immediately seek out your dog and give him a well deserved pat (or wish you could), you clearly have no heart.

 

Kvick Tänkare – Military edition

Sven writes the definitive post on Multiple Rocket Launchers (MRLs).  As someone who was taught to fear the BM-21 like kids are taught to be afraid of the boogy man during my initial training back in 1987, I found it quite interesting.

The best weapon of our enemies?  Cheap double cheeseburgers apparently,

75 percent of the nation’s 17- to 24-year-olds are ineligible for service for a variety of reasons…In 1987, according to the CDC, a mere 6 percent of 18- to 34-year-olds, or about 1 out of 20, were obese. In 2008, 22 years later, 23 percent of that age group — almost 1 out of 4 — was considered to be obese.

The Armchair Generalist continues to whittle away at my support for the war in Afghanistan.

Can’t a vegitarian veteran get a little love?

Applebee’s is doing something really nice for Veterans Day this year.  Any veteran or active duty member of the military will be entitled to one of six free entrees.  Pretty nice…

But allow me to take a good long look in that gift horses mouth…

All of the dishes involve beef or chicken.  While I will be the first to admit that us warrior vegetarians are an extremely rare breed, it is possible that someone might want some fish or no meat at all.

Still, my criticism is rather petty.  It’s a great gesture…

The Swedes let their soldiers down

Absolutely fucking outrageous.

According to a report filed by Captain Bengt Nitz of the Amf 1 amphibious regiment, based in Hårsfjärden outside of Stockholm, the boots issued to the unit’s soldiers were of such poor quality that one commander considered ordering soldiers under his command to refrain from participating in training assessments.

“The soldiers’ boots lacked soles and in some cases had been previously issued to other soldiers up to eight times,” Nitz writes in his report.

It’s not like Sweden has a huge army, facing huge deployments that eat through supplies at a rapid rate or is fielding tons of new equipment which is causing hiccups in the supply system.  This is basic issue equipment.  Uniforms and boots.

First, boots should be a disposable item, meaning once they’re issued to the soldier they become his property.  None of this turn them in so some other shlep can wear that worn out shit.

Second, how do you only issue soldiers one uniform?  I mean practically, what if one gets ripped?  What are you supposed to wear while you’re cleaning it?  What about for parades, formation or other times when you’re supposed to wear something clean (or at least not caked in mud)?

I think I’d blow a freakin’ gasket if these were my troops.

A whole bunch of people should get fired over this.  But it’s Sweden so don’t hold your breath.

Kvick Tänkare

Sven’s very good post about the characteristics that make the difference between success and failure of units in battle that appear to be qualified while in garrison.

Another modder is planning to release a Left 4 Dead campaign on Halloween.  Might as well wait for L4D2 to get all the bugs worked out and go on sale before buying it.

Check out this focus group report about conservative perceptions.  Yes, it’s by a democratic consulting group but it’s got some very interesting insights.  I only wish it looked at other (i.e. younger) age groups.

Ok…so they aren’t totally tactical

But still, you have to admit this is pretty great.

I remember reading that Frederick William I of Prussia was obsessed with finding really tall men to fill out one of his special guards battalion in the hopes that they’d be really impressive and intimidating.  I’m thinking he should have devoted that energy to go for a different type of impressive.

A tough couple of days for the Swedes

Wow…talk about the coming anarchy.  Sweden seems besieged lately.

First, the Taliban took offense that the Swedes and Finns responded when ambushed, killing 2 insurgents and wounding three others (no friendly casualties).

The Finnish army command said in its statement that a Swedish patrol had come under surprise rifle and rocket propelled grenade fire when travelling from Sheberghan to Mazar-i-Sharif, adding that the Swedes had then called in reinforcements, including six Finnish troops.

So, what do the Taliban do?

A regional Taliban commander has warned that Swedes serving in Afghanistan will be the target of reprisals following the killing of three of the guerrilla group’s fighters by Swedish troops last week.

Is this some sort of tautology?  The commander is threatening to attack Swedish soldiers in response to his attack on Swedish soldiers?

But hey, maybe this guy isn’t the most logical guy out there but that doesn’t mean he’s unreasonable:

He added, however, that Swedes and other foreigners would be welcomed by the Taliban under certain conditions. “If you come without weapons to rebuild our poor, warn-torn country, you will be welcomed,” he told TT.

“If you are Muslims.”

Great.

Then, in even more bizarre news, it was reported that a Finnish ship was briefly hijacked in Swedish waters last week.  There are a lot of suspicious elements to this story so I have no idea what to make of it.  Consider the following:

• The hijackers spoke english (it’s not clear from reports how well)
• The hijackers were dressed as Swedish police and claimed to be searching for drugs
• Despite several of the crew sustaining (minor) injuries and being in Swedish waters, the ship continued on its way and didn’t report the incident for several days (WTF?)
• The hijackers searched the ship and then left several hours later.  There’s no reporting about them making (or receiving) any sort of ransom demand

Completely uninformed potential hypotheses:

1. The ‘hijacking’ was instead a warning to someone (the shipping line, insurers, etc.) as part of an extortion scheme
2. The hijackers could have been looking for some specific (illicit) cargo (the old ripping off the drug dealer scam) which makes me think way too much of Keyser Soze
3. There was no hijacking and the crew (Russians) decided to skim some illicit cargo off for themselves and concoct this hijacking story to keep the mobsters who put it there from killing them
4. It was a dry run for another hijacking to occur in the future

Anyone got any more?

If that wasn’t enough, the Swedish intelligence service is saying that the espionage threat against Sweden is as high as it was during the Cold War.   According to an agency spokesman:

Several countries, include those in our immediate surroundings, conduct surveillance against Sweden.

Clearly Russia is one of those countries but who are the others?  Norway (the Texans of Scandinavia)? Denmark?  Finland?  The Baltic nations?

Why are people spying on Sweden?

There is significant interest in the Armed Forces’ advanced weapons systems, the MUST report claims.

While this may be true and I will forever assert that Sweden consistantly makes the coolest looking fighter planes, I’m not sure they’re always banging with all cylinders in the advanced weapon system department.

…the new Gripens aren’t equipped to receive communications from Sweden’s encryption system, leaving open communications as the only way for Swedish commanders on the ground to give orders to pilots in the air… the military won’t be able to upgrade the new Gripen’s communications capability until 2015 because of cutbacks on defense spending.

Oh, and apparently Swedish zombies are back.

A disagreement between two bus drivers and a motorist in Uppsala in central Sweden resulted in the motorist seeking hospital treatment after one of the bus drivers bit him in the face.

I suspect the bus driver’s only statement was ‘Braaaaains’.

Domo arigato Mr. Roberto

I’ve seen this essay from the Armed Forces Journal linked on Tom Ricks’ site a couple of days ago and BoingBoing today.  The author T.X. Hammes is an attack of Microsoft PowerPoint and the culture which has sprung up around it.  Now, I’m no fan of Mr. Gates’ monster but I think Mr. Hammes may be misidentifying the symptom with the disease.  PowerPoint has merely allowed a number of incorrect assumptions about decision making to dominate the military decision making process and reinforcing tendencies that are otherwise prevalant in our culture.

Coincidentally, I happen to be enjoying Michael Roberto’s course on critical decision making from the Teaching Company.  Reading the essay through the lens of Roberto’s lectures adds an interesting perspective both to the subject of Hammes’ essay and how Hammes thinks decision making in the military should go.

From Hammes:  “…today, a decision-maker sits through a 20-minute PowerPoint presentation followed by five minutes of discussion and then is expected to make a decision. Compounding the problem, often his staff will have received only a five-minute briefing from the action officer on the way to the presentation and thus will not be well-prepared to discuss the issues. This entire process clearly has a toxic effect on staff work and decision-making.”

What Hammes seems to be recommending (or getting nostalgic for) are the days when:  “…staffs prepared succinct two- or three-page summaries of key issues. The decision-maker would read a paper, have time to think it over and then convene a meeting with either the full staff or just the experts involved to discuss the key points of the paper. Of course, the staff involved in the discussion would also have read the paper and had time to prepare to discuss the issues.”

This sounds a lot like Roberto’s refutation of one of his myths about decision making:
Myth #2: Decisions are made in the room.  Reality: Much of the real work occurs “off-line,” in one-on-one conversations or small subgroups, not around a conference table. The purpose of formal staff meetings is often simply to ratify decisions that have already been made. [italics mine]

I’m not sure outlawing PowerPoint would actually do much to address the problems Hammes is highlighting.  It’s cliched to say that we’ve got access to more information than ever before but most of us have become slaves to that information.  Everyone needs to be connected, all the time.  Keep track of how many times the people at your next meeting check their cell phones, blackberries or email.  Most people can’t shut down that flow of information for 30 minutes.  And how often is that call, message, whatever so critical it couldn’t wait?  That flow of information only increases outside of the meeting environment so the likelihood that a decision makers will carve out enough time to digest a short decision paper and then devote time to think about it seriously and discuss it among sub-groups seems a bit far fetched.

Hammes does make the recommendation of pushing authority for decisions down to their lowest possible level which it completely sensible but (I believe) he misidentifies PowerPoint as the driver behind pushing decisions up the chain rather than down.

The problem is we’ve created this idea that decision makers need to have their finger in every pie in the bakery.  Access to information (breadth) is seen as much more valuable than understanding of information (depth).  When I mobilized, for example, every officer in our unit decided they needed to have access to the SCIF facility on base.  It didn’t matter that the vast majority of them had no practical use for the information there, the fact was access to this new information stream was seen as a goal in and of itself.  Whether it’s a compulsion of type A personalities to micro-manage, fear of being caught flat footed in a game of ‘gotcha’ or just a reflection of our culture today, people are going to continue to believe that the answer to everything is more information received faster.