Åland

On my recent trip to Sweden I took a side trip to the Åland Islands.  It’s really a fascinating place.  While technically part of Finland, the islands are:

…politically neutral and entirely demilitarised, and residents are exempt from conscription to the Finnish Defense Forces.

The place is frequently overlooked and known primarily as a stopping point for ferrys transiting the Baltic Sea.  As I understand it, a brief stop at one of the islands two main ports allows the ships to sell items duty free and have gambling.

That’s a shame because the islands actually have some interesting history.  For example, Russia took the islands from Sweden in 1809 and began construction of a huge fortress complex called Bomarsund.  Unfortunately for the Russians, the 19th century was a time of rapid technological change and the a joint force of British and French forces destroyed the incomplete complex as part of the Crimean War.  You can see pics of the ruins here.

Here’s an account of the battle from the U.K. embassy in Finland.  My favorite part is the description of how two Brits were awarded the Victoria Cross during the battle:

…Lieutenant John Bythesea and William Johnstone, Stoker. Both went ashore from the Arrogant with the intent of stopping the mail flow from Bomarsund across Wärdö to the mainland. They lay in wait for three days until five Russians arrived on 12 August with the postbags. Johnstone ambushed the men, at Bythesea’s signal, attempting to throw a rope around the group whilst Bythesea provided cover with just one pistol. Two of the men dropped their bags and fled while the remaining three finally surrendered. Bythesea ordered the men back to their own boat and then forced them to row it back to Arrogant, with the mailbags.

Trying to throw a rope around the group?  Did this guy read too many stories about cowboys lassoing cattle in the Wild West?  How great is that?

If you like castles, Åland’s got one of those as well.  The very nicely restored Kastelholm.  (pics here).

While Bormarsund is just a ruins, both sites are great for exploring and there’s good background information about each.

I was only there for a bit more than 24 hours but the place looks fantastic for biking.  Really well maintained bike trails are everywhere, there are a plethora of beautiful views and there are a variety of camping options (from B&Bs to tent sites to small cabins).

So, if you happen to be near the top of the world go check it out.  But only during the summer months…

Ok, this ain’t the Philippines…

and I’m not MacArthur but I have returned nonetheless.  The good news is that my brief vacation to the nation which brought us such examples of Western civilization as the Carl Gustav recoilless rifle, fermented herring in a can, and three of the five members of the infamous bikini team has given me a great deal to write about.

So much, in fact, that I’m in a bit of a quandry as to where to start (that’s the bad news).  But, somehow I’ll muddle through.

I’ll begin with a few observations:

I don’t believe in Hell but if it does exist I’m sure a part of it resembles Newark International Airport.  From its overpriced…everything to its completely useless security precautions this airport has little going for it except the fact that you can get just about anywhere from there.  I used to enjoy going to the airport and flying.  Now I loathe it.  Having to wind my way through cattle chutes while attempting to juggle my carry on, boarding pass, shoes and all mattalic objects that could possibly set off the alarm is about as dehumanizing as you could get for $600.  Then you realize that the cattle chute would be a great way to funnel the blast of an explosion but take some comfort in knowing that at least no one will get on board the plane with more than 3 oz. of toothpaste.

Oh, and if you want to know why people try to sneak into the country illegally, just come through Newark customs.  Heck, I’d prefer wading across the Rio Grande rather than have to put up with those surly immigration people.  Welcome to America, you jerk!

I packed a lot of reading material with me on this trip, some of which I’ll write about in future posts but while waiting for my plane to start boarding I read “WHEN ZOMBIES ATTACK!: MATHEMATICAL MODELLING OF AN OUTBREAK OF ZOMBIE INFECTION” a academic paper by some Canadians who are (ostensibly) trying to show the value of mathematical modelling but (really) are trying to warn humanity about the upcoming zombie invasion.  Money quote:

An outbreak of zombies infecting humans is likely to be disastrous, unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead. While aggressive quarantine may eradicate the infection, this is unlikely to happen in practice. A cure would only result in some humans surviving the outbreak, although they will still coexist with zombies. Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time.

…an outbreak of zombies will result in the collapse of civilisation, with every human infected, or dead. This is because human births and deaths will provide the undead with a limitless supply of new bodies to infect, resurrect and convert. Thus, if zombies arrive, we must act quickly and decisively to eradicate them before they eradicate us.

In short…zombies=bad

Note to self:  Reconsider work on my zombie worker program.  Might be unforseen consequnces.

On brighter news, I think I can now safely say that Stockholm is my favorite large city.  At least in the summer months.  I haven’t yet experienced the city when it’s 30 degrees and has 6 hours of daylight but I’m guessing that might tarnish the luster a bit.  But in the nice months (June through August at least) it’s fantastic.

Swedish Vacation Update Part 4

Whoa…It’s now been almost three months since my trip to Sweden and I’m still not done with my trip report.

I got to spend a couple of days in Öland, which has a lengthy history and fantastic views.  The whole place has a rural feel, with the large towns having less than 5,000 people in them.  The island is a popular tourist destination for Swedes but it was pretty empty when we got there.  That happened to be a fairly lucky coincidence since the island was about to be packed with celebrations of the Crown Princesses’ birthday.

Two brilliant places to check out are the castles of Ektorp and Burgholm.   One of the great things about museums and exhibits in Sweden is that most of them aren’t walled off and sterilized leaving you to view them behind a wall of plexiglass and crowd control barriers.  You can actually touch the stuff which, to me, makes the experience much more interesting and informative.

Eketorp is an excavated iron age fort and the reenactors have done quite a good job of setting the scene.  It’s a bit off the beaten track (you don’t have a car it’ll be a headache to get there and back) A number of homes (hovels?) have been constructed as well as working areas and the reenactors go about their daily business.  They try to be interactive, allowing you to do a bit of archery, cooking bread, etc but probably the thing that was the most authentic about the place were the goats and pigs they had wandering around loose on the grounds.  The sounds (and smells) of the animals helped to make it more of a historical and less of a theme park experience.  It was also interesting to see how small these forts were.  They guess that there were approximately 150 people living in the fort (including women and children) meaning you didn’t have tons of men-at-arms just hanging about doing nothing.

Borgholm castle is a a beautiful ruined castle that was used from the 12th to the 19th centuries before it was destroyed in a fire.  Yet again, there is virtually no part of this castle off limits to those who want to explore every nook and cranny of the place.  It’s got tons of atmosphere and you can even go check it out after the place closes down (I don’t know if you’re suppossed to or not but I’m one of those ‘If it isn’t strictly forbidden, it’s permitted’ type of guys).

These two alone make Öland worth the trip, even if you have to go a bit out of your way.  But there’s plenty more to see, especially if you dig windmills.  My favorite…the blue cow.

Sweden vacation update – part 3

OK…I’ve been back about three weeks and I forgot to mention a couple of things about my recent trip.

#1:  Airport security remains a joke. I’m starting to get annoyed at the charade known as airport security.  Taking off my shoes isn’t a big deal but the fact that it’s a total crock of shit makes the whole process annoying.  How do I know it’s no good?  Well, for one thing, it’s not universally required.  I’ve now flown out of Arlanda airport three times since 2005 (once on a U.S. carrier, once on SAS and once on Malaysia Air) and I’ve never had to take my shoes off.  Every one of the flights was a non-stop to the U.S. and had tons of Americans on board.  Do we assume that terrorists are only going to fly out of the U.S.?  Besides, the last (and only) attempt to blow up a plane with a shoe didn’t end well for the terrorist (and even if it did go boom, I don’t know if it’s clear that the plane would have come down) and I’m not sure the best plan is to try to recreate a failed one.

Also, they now hand out these pieces of paper that all U.S. citizens are supposed to fill out giving information about where you’re going, your address and other information.  I don’t know why they need it so didn’t fill it out  on the way over and wasn’t going to fill it out on the way back but they required it to get through customs.  It, apparently, is nothing but crap as well because the flunky in charge of checking my paperwork was upset that I filled it out in pencil (if you want me to fill out a form in pen, you better give me a pen) and then promptly threw it away.  Brilliant.

Remember:  Airport ’security’ has little to do with security and a whole lot to do with control.

#2:  While on the ferry to Estonia, one of the musical acts was Chalan Williamson, an American currently living in Finland (if I remember right) and working around Europe as a travelling troubadour.  He was really good and generated some good energy in the crowd.  In fact, the only negative thing I could say is that we all thought his set should have been longer.  In all fairness it was a couple of hours long but the good vibe he generated collapsed under the weight of the karaoke which followed his act.  You can check out some of his videos here.

#3:  I went to see the movie, Mamma Mia while I was in Sweden.  I figured it would be wrong not to see an ABBA themed movie in Sweden. I’m not sure what I expected but I guess I saw this as my best chance to see the normally reserved Swedes letting their hair down.  The whole thing was much more sedate than that and while I did detect some head bobbing and toe tapping to the music I didn’t get to see Swedes breaking out in song en mass.

In any case, the movie theater was in a mall which was similar to any mall you might see in the U.S. except this one food concession.

No, your eyes don’t deceive you.  They were selling ‘Corn in a cup’.

Two things occur to me as I saw this advertisement:

1. They either took fresh corn on the cob and stripped the kernals off, thereby taking away most of the joy of eating fresh corn or…
2. They just opened up a can of corn, dumped it into the Styrofoam cup, put it in the microwave and served it which takes away not only the fun of eating fresh corn but most of the taste as well.

And what’s with slice of lemon?  Who eats lemon with corn?

Crazy Swedes…

Photo of the day – Weird bicycle edition

While I was in Estonia I saw this offered for rent.

I have no idea what it’s called but I’m calling it the heptocycle since it seats seven.  The idea is that six people sit on the outer seats and peddle their little hearts out while the seventh person sits behind the funky stearing wheel and controls the direction this contraption goes in.

I’m a bit upset that I didn’t see it until the end of the say since I would have loved to try it.  It really looks like it would be both incredibly dangerous (for both the riders and innocent bystanders) and fun (probably just for the riders) to try while inebriated.

The Motherload

After almost a week of work, I’ve managed to whittle all the photos I took during my vacation (almost 1,400!) down to a reasonable number (if you consider 350 reasonable) and posted them to Flickr.  I’ll be putting those I particularly like or have some story up here.

So…my first is a bit of a quiz.  What is this? (Click here for the answer)

Travels with Shiloh Quiz: What the heck is this?

Swedish Vacation Update – Estonian edition

I just came back from a brief trip to Tallinn via the Victoria ferry.  The ferry system connects many of the countries bordering the Baltic Sea and (if I understand correctly) us part of the European highway system.  They are more than just a way to get from point A to point B however and offer travellers all you can eat buffets, gambling, duty free shopping, lame house bands and tacky shows.  In short, it’s like a weekend in Atlantic City.  The ferry I was on was staffed primarily by Estonians so between the boat ride and a day in Tallinn, I’m now prepared to make the following superficial and sweeping generalizations about a whole nation of people.

1. Estonians can’t make good beer.  I tried two types of local beer in Estonia and both reminded me of that cat piss known as Coors Light.  Even worse, I saw locals buying lots of the stuff which indicates that Estonians not only can’t make good beer, they don’t seem to even know what good beer is.
2. Don’t get a tattoo in Estonia.  I saw a lot of Estonians with tattoos and they all looked like they got them in the gulag from a blind guy.  I’m not a big tattoo fan to begin with but if you’re going to get one make sure your artist can draw better than your average first grader before he puts ink to skin.
3. Customer service as a concept hasn’t worked its way into the Estonian mind.  Estonians regard customers as an inconvienience and will go to great lengths to encourage you to go somewhere, anywhere else, just so long as you’ll stop bothering them.  At one cafe, a lady asked if we could hold off ordeering for ten minutes so they could change shifts (apparently preparing a couple of cups of coffee would have disrupted the intricate process of changing the wait staff) only to see the very same people working after the suppossed shift change (and, coincidently, after it became clear we wouldn’t be going to search for another cafe).  I’m sure old Joe was smiling wherever he wan as. 
4. Estonia has no Surgeon General.  You don’t notice how few people smoke in the states until you go somewhere else.  Estonians smoke like chimneys and they do it everywhere.  This, despite the fact that cigerrettes have warning labels that put ours to shame in their size and directness of consequences. 

Other than that, it was a good trip.  Good weather, (hopefully) nice pictures and a fun time.

Swedish Vacation Update Part 2

My last post was all about the good things I’ve been finding here in Sweden.  But, all is not well in the land of the eternally pale people.  Here is the downside to traveling here in Sweden.

1. Computer keyboards:  Swedish computer keyboards are set up differently than our to accommodate their extra letters (å, ö, ä) and that throws the whole thing out of whack.  The world will be a much better place when everyone speaks American…just like Jesus did.
2. The price of gas:  Holy Cripes!!!  You think it’s expensive to fill up your gas tank?  Well, buckle up bonehead cause you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.  I rented a Nissan Note (by the way, a fun little car with tons of room) and it cost me 484 Swedish Kronar to fill it up with 35 litres.  Now for those of you not up on your Kronar to dollar and litre to gallon conversions, that works out to just over $10 per gallon. 
   

   You'll need a loan to pay for your gas soon...

3.  The price of everything else:  If you think discussions about U.S. monetary policy are exclusively for pencil necked geeks in Washington D.C. and don’t effect you then just take a trip out of the country.  Our weak dollar policy may mean that foreign nations can buy our goods and services cheaply but it also means that you can’t get a decent meal in Sweden for less than 25 or 30 dollars and a nice (not fancy, just nice) meal with a drink or two is going to propel you into the 50-60 dollar range (per person of course).  In fact, it’s pretty hard to do anything here without spending gobs of money.  I think even a no-frills trip (backpacking on a Euro-rail ticket, camping or sleeping on the train, living off of sandwiches you put together from the cheapest stuff in the supermarket…ah, the good ol’ days) would cost you a pretty penny.
4. Stretch pants:  While summer in Sweden can hardly be described as ’scortching’, it is warmer than the locals are generally used to.  Also, there is some truth to the stereotype about Swedes being beautiful.  So, why Swedish women seem to insist on wearing stretch pants with everything is totally beyond me.  It makes you feel like you’re having some sort of bad 1980s flashback or something.
5. Low speed limits:  Given how well Swedes can drive and the amazing condition of their roads (I can’t remember a single pot hole in over 700 miles of road) some of their speed limits are maddeningly slow.  You’ll be able to resist the urge to speed though, since traffic cameras are everywhere ready to snap your picture and send you a ticket in the mail.
6. No greens:  Swedes donät seem to have fully grasped the concept of the salad.  When you see it on the menu, it usually means you’ll be getting a few pathetic strips of iceberg lettuce next to your entree.  I suspect it’s there more to fill up your plate than your stomach.  The explanation for this lack of green stuff in the diet may be explained by #7, below.
7. Toilet paper:  Sweden is a highly industrialized, civilized nation and its citizens are among the most happy and satisfied in the world.  Yet, the idea that toilet paper can be both efficient and comfortable seems to be beyond them.  I swear that some of the material that passes for toilet paper here and that I’ve unfortunately had to experience, would do a better job at removing paint and varnish than any 30 grit sandpaper you could get at Home Depot.

Iceland…the place to be

Congratulations seem to be in order for Iceland which has been rated as the best place to live. Props also go out to Sweden and Finland (although my mother-in-law would say this was clearly a bogus list since it’s obvious to everyone that Finland is the best place in the world to live).

The U.S. got bumped out of the top 10 but is in a still respectable 12th place. Hey, at least we beat Denmark.

I got to visit Iceland for a week in the late ’90s and had a great time. It was a beautiful place with a tourist industry still too new to get ‘Disneyfied‘ (hopefully it’s resisted that temptation).

Nordic War Museums

I’m really backed up in terms of things I need to post about.  Case in point, last summer I was on vacation in Sweden and took a quick side trip to Finland.  While there I got to check out two military museums:  the Swedish Army Museum and the Finnish Military Museum.  The websites aren’t particularly informative (at least the English versions) which is unfortunate because the museums themselves are worth the trip.

As a disclosure I should say that I’m not particularly fond of military museums.  I find them kind of stale and lacking in the quality that lets me share (even if in a very small way) the dramatic stories of the people who lived through past conflicts.  The National World War II Museum left me unimpressed (although I understand I’m definitely in the minority on that).

These two museums avoided that and were pretty compelling for different reasons.

The Finnish museum understandably focused on the nation-defining event that was the Winter War and the even less well known (to those of us in the U.S. at least) Continuation War.  The story is extremely compelling (little Finland held off the Soviet army for almost 4 months and opened up a big can of whoop ass in the process) and recent enough that many families have parents or grandparents with memories of the war.  It’s not a big museum (which is another plus, after all, how many rifles and artillery pieces can you stare at in a day?) but you can actually interact with many of the displays.  Unlike displays I’ve seen in other museums, everything isn’t hidden behind ropes, plexiglass and tons of signs warning against touching, filming or even thinking about anything on display.   You can actually get behind the sights and work the controls of some of the equipment.  The highlight of the displays, for me, was a recreation of a bunker from the Winter War.  Again, you were free to move about in the bunker, pick up the coffee pot, sit in the chairs, and actually get a feel for living in such a place.  I was lucky enough to be escorted through the museum by a relative of my wife who could give me a local perspective of the place.  By the way, if you think Americans are patriotic, you haven’t met a Finn.

Sweden hasn’t been in a war since 1814 so it’s a little harder to make a museum which will seem relevant to modern museum attendees.  In that regard, they don’t really try.  Rather, they attempt to describe the history of warfare going  back from pre-history to the modern era.  Sweden’s military history is used to highlight trends and themes about warfare and the lives of soldiers through the ages.  It’s bigger than the Finnish museum (but to be fair, Finland has only been an independent country since 1917) and spends a lot more time on Sweden’s imperial heyday but they do a decent job.  I particularly liked one display where they had rifles used by Swedish forces for (I think) a couple of centuries side by side.  You could pick them up, work the mechanisms (no ammo!) and compare them which was quite cool.

Also, since Sweden doesn’t have a recent history of combat, they focus instead on the conscript system in Sweden and how soldiers have served since 1814.  One part I thought was surprisingly good were recreations of various living quarters and NCO/Officer clubs throughout the 20th century.  Sweden is a pretty regular contributor to UN peacekeeping missions so that allows some discussion of the modern Swedish force as well.