Daily Archives: January 20, 2006

As a rule I don’t blog from work (except during biblical level infestations of flies) but something happened today that just couldn’t be overlooked.

Like many offices, we had a water cooler in our building. Every week or so some dude would come by, pick up the empty bottles and leave new bottles filled with clean, delicious water. Everything was perfect. Until the water people decided that they actually wanted to get paid for this service. It seems that our accounts payable people live by the J. Wellington Wimpy method of accounting (“I’d gladly pay you on Tuesday for water delivery today.”)

So I’ve had to resort to the soda machine in order to get my water (don’t ask about the faucets. I’ve totally bought into the bottle water industry hype about tap water.). I put my dollar into the machine, press the button labeled with good ol’ H2O and…..

Nothing.

It seems everyone else had the same idea and bought all the water.

I was only mildly thirsty when this process began but now, knowing that there was no water to be had I was positively dying of thirst. I began to imagine the agony of death by dehydration. I contemplated drinking my own urine.

Ok. Eaaaasy buddy. Get a hold on yourself.

Ok..I took a deep breath and looked at the other options on the soda machine. Everything else was a sugar filled, syrup mess but at least it was liquid. So, with great reluctance I hit the Pepsi button (by the way, I don’t even like Pepsi – I’m a Coke guy if I have to choose – so you can see the level of my desperation here) and…..

Nothing.

You’ve GOT to be kidding me! They bought all the Pepsi too?! Those bastards! Ok, I’m done. Game over. I hit the coin return to get my money back thinking that ‘they’ll’ be sorry when I keel over dead from dehydration.

Nothing.

What the ‘F’?! Now I can’t even get my money back. This is like some sort of sick scam. The rest of the selections in the soda machine make the whole ‘urine drinking’ thing seem downright attractive but now I’ve got a dollar sunk into this whole production I’ve got to get something for my money, right?

So I hit a button at random and get this nasty looking Lipton Green Tea (with citrus!). In fact, it looks a lot like a bottle filled with urine. I’ve actually had the misfortune of drinking this swill before and there’s no way I’m drinking this again so I take it to my desk, grab my car keys and drive out to the local 7-11 where I have to buy a bottle of water.

The Lipton Green Tea? It’s still on my desk if you want it….

I’m thinking about writing Human Rights Watch to tell them to stop wasting their time on child labor and start working on something really important like this whole bottled water issue.

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