Undoubtedly you’ve heard that the Indians have begun deploying monkeys to provide security during the Commonwealth Games. I believe this is an increasingly worrying trend in South Asia where members of the animal kingdom are being recruited into vast armies that will soon be able to swarm our defenses. These Jihadi Monkey Organizations (JMOs) represent an existential threat to our way of life and freedoms. After all, how can we ever go to a zoo again without fearing a well aimed handful of poo isn’t concealing a hand grenade?
And so, while we here at TwShiloh HQ applaud the reasonable and completely modest recommendations of those great patriots Brooks, Feulner and Kristol to sell everything not nailed down and spend more on defense because maybe, perhaps, someday, there might be someone with the potential to annoy us, they have, unfortunately missed the key to national defense for the 21st century and beyond.
I therefore want to share with you this highly classified briefing I just received from one of my sources buried deep within the bowels of the Heptagon (the real HQ of the DoD – the Pentagon is just a ruse to amuse the tourists). It seems we’ve decided to get serious about this threat after all…
I can only assume Halliburton is already on this offering the government all sorts of second rate monkeys at top dollar. And I’m sure there’s a DARPA grant out there for a robot-monkey. What we really need however, is a couple of these guys:
(h/t PK for the slides)