Tag Archives: humor

9/11 humor…it’s not too soon, is it?

Well, since it came out a year ago I guess it’s safe…Kinda puts the last 9 years in a weird sort of perspective though…

Did you ever wonder…

…how the Empire got its clock cleaned by the rebels and a bunch of primitive teddy bears?

The assassination of Yogi bear by the coward Boo-Boo

And here’s the original…

h/t Boingboing

And now for something completely different…

A man, a banana suit and a very freaky video…

Finnish Friday

Redditt has a great thread about people’s ‘favorite culturally untranslatable phrases’.  I suspect this is a well I’ll return to multiple times but today I’d like to highlight our friends the Finns and their colorful language.  And a note to my mother-in-law if she’s reading this:  I can’t believe you never told me about these.

  • Suksi vittun (Suomi- Finnish, I suppose) Literally, “ski into a cunt.” Extraordinarily vulgar form of “go fuck yourself.”
  • “juosten kustu”. It means that something is done half-assed, but it translates roughly like something is like someone tried to pee while running.
  • “Kyrpä otsassa” is a vulgar way to say you’re incredibly annoyed. It means that you have a dick in your forehead (should be visualized as hanging forward, rather than actually in your forehead, for some reason).
  • “Perse edellä puuhun” – To climb a tree with your ass up. Said when something is being done in very inefficient fashion.
  • “pilkunnussija”, meaning “a comma fucker”. Used about someone who corrects little or meaningless things.
  • “satanaan vittu” which means to literally call someone Satan’s Vagina.

McChrystal Meets Petraeus in their super lair

Just a bit of COIN humor.  Oh god…did I just write that?  (Yes. Yes you did.  And I’m pretty sure we can use it at your commitment hearing.  eds.)

(h/t Joshua Foust)

Ave! Caesar!

Ave! Caesar! Now take those hobnails off and put them on the conveyor belt.

In recent weeks these security measures have been stepped up as barbarian threats have become more pronounced. Accordingly, at many checkpoints along the Rhine, Rhone, Danube, Jordan, Nile, Niger, Tigris, Euphrates, and Potomac [check that last one -JC] we are requiring travelers to lift their togas or in some cases to allow one of my shorter legionaries to look up their togas – a procedure I have named the Veni Vidi. [I can’t think of a third “V” word just now -JC]

(h/t Phronesisaical)

Kvick Tänkare

Mrs. TwShiloh is feeling a little bitter over the collective American swooning over the upcoming nuptials in the British royal family.   How come, she’d like to know, there’s wall to wall coverage of this but a virtual media blackout over the recent wedding by Sweden’s royal couple?

A tell-all article by a guy(?) who writes papers for students.  Apparently all levels and disciplines of our academic institution are infected with people who either don’t have the chops or the motivation to do their work and so pay ghost writers to do it for them.  Yeah, I’m not surprised that cheating occurs but jeez.  This article is long but you really should read it.

What’s better than Comrade Bear?  Pictures of Comrade Bear with cute animals

YT links to some hilarious videos of some dude called ‘Chinese Guy’ (oh, I guess he’s a comedian named Peter Chao).  Might not be for everyone but it might just be the cultural whipsaw you need to get those synapses firing.

FP is collecting political humor for an upcoming issue.  This teaser made me laugh out loud.

A Pole walking along the road happens to spy a lamp. He picks it up, and as it is covered in rust he gives it quick rub. Out comes a genie.

“I’m the genie of the lamp and I can grant you three wishes,” the genie says.

“OK,” says the Pole. “I want the Chinese Army to invade Poland.” Odd choice, the genie thinks, but nevertheless he grants the wish, and the Chinese Army comes all the way from China, invades, and goes back home.

“Right, second wish. Maybe something more positive,” says the genie.

“No,” replies the Pole, “I want the Chinese Army to invade again.” So the Chinese come all the way from China, lay waste to more of Poland, and then go home.

“Listen,” says the genie. “You have one last wish. I can make Poland the most beautiful and prosperous place on earth.”

“If you don’t mind, I want the Chinese army to invade one more time.” So the Chinese army comes again, destroys what’s left of Poland, and then goes home for the last time.

“I don’t understand,” says the genie. “Why did you want the Chinese army to invade Poland three times?”

“Well,” replies the Pole, “they had to go through Russia six times.”

You are powerless to resist…

This certainly must qualify as the work of a person who is certifiably insane…every movie scream by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

And yet, you know you want to watch…

Kvick Tänkare

There’s some hypothesizing that one reason dolphins have such big brains is because they have to keep track of a large number of really complex relationships.  More complex than any animal other than humans.

Male bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops sp.) form tight bonds with friends and allies that are as intricate and devious as those of humans. Researchers already know, for example, that males team up as duos or trios—known as first-level alliances—so that they can mate with a female without her swimming away… But rival males will often try to steal the female, causing the duo or trio to join forces with other duos and trios in what’s known as a second-level alliance.

Now Connor and colleagues have found an even higher level of alliance. In the biggest fights, the team found, the second-level alliance may receive help from another group of male dolphins, forming what the researchers call a “third-level” alliance. Even among chimpanzees, scientists have not witnessed such sophisticated partnerships, where one group of animals receives help from another group in a fight.

Brian over at Gamecrafter’s Guild has taken the legend of the tomte and adapted it for 4th edition D&D rules.  First rule to remember…don’t piss off the tomte.

Great story from Sweden:

Swedish porn mogul Berth Milton has come up with an unusual business proposition for his next project: five-star hotels where guests can stay for free in exchange for having their indiscretions filmed and broadcast over the internet.

But hey, Mr. Milton wants you to know that if he builds one of these in your neighborhood, you needn’t worry about your property values falling.

“It has to be a hotel for non-swingers as well — not super-explicit where everybody’s running around naked. That takes the style and class out of it,” he said.

Oh…as long as they keep the style and class.

The balance of this post is NSFW

Even better story from West Virginia.  Police reports tend to be pretty dry and boring affairs.  Still, when there’s a good story it can shine through even the most boring official lingo.  And anytime a police report includes a quote like this you know there’s a doozy of a story attached:

“Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat.”

Oh, and it gets even better.  This story has everything…a marriage on the rocks, a motor lodge, two half naked buddies, and a crazy lady with a knife.  (h/t Balko)