Tag Archives: Putin

What the…???

Consider my mind blown….

It’s like this guy is actually trying to do that list of 1001 things before he dies…

  1. tranquilize a tiger
  2. frighten a foreign head of state with your dog
  3. sing Blueberry Hill on TV

 

Kvick Tänkare

Mrs. TwShiloh is feeling a little bitter over the collective American swooning over the upcoming nuptials in the British royal family.   How come, she’d like to know, there’s wall to wall coverage of this but a virtual media blackout over the recent wedding by Sweden’s royal couple?

A tell-all article by a guy(?) who writes papers for students.  Apparently all levels and disciplines of our academic institution are infected with people who either don’t have the chops or the motivation to do their work and so pay ghost writers to do it for them.  Yeah, I’m not surprised that cheating occurs but jeez.  This article is long but you really should read it.

What’s better than Comrade Bear?  Pictures of Comrade Bear with cute animals

YT links to some hilarious videos of some dude called ‘Chinese Guy’ (oh, I guess he’s a comedian named Peter Chao).  Might not be for everyone but it might just be the cultural whipsaw you need to get those synapses firing.

FP is collecting political humor for an upcoming issue.  This teaser made me laugh out loud.

A Pole walking along the road happens to spy a lamp. He picks it up, and as it is covered in rust he gives it quick rub. Out comes a genie.

“I’m the genie of the lamp and I can grant you three wishes,” the genie says.

“OK,” says the Pole. “I want the Chinese Army to invade Poland.” Odd choice, the genie thinks, but nevertheless he grants the wish, and the Chinese Army comes all the way from China, invades, and goes back home.

“Right, second wish. Maybe something more positive,” says the genie.

“No,” replies the Pole, “I want the Chinese Army to invade again.” So the Chinese come all the way from China, lay waste to more of Poland, and then go home.

“Listen,” says the genie. “You have one last wish. I can make Poland the most beautiful and prosperous place on earth.”

“If you don’t mind, I want the Chinese army to invade one more time.” So the Chinese army comes again, destroys what’s left of Poland, and then goes home for the last time.

“I don’t understand,” says the genie. “Why did you want the Chinese army to invade Poland three times?”

“Well,” replies the Pole, “they had to go through Russia six times.”

My Putin dream

I almost never remember my dreams but this one stuck for some reason.  All non-Freudians are welcome to interpret it…

Mrs. TwShiloh and I were attending some sort of event that had a Russian theme (a concert or something like that).  It was a large event and we were among hundreds or thousands and I had the feeling we had attended similar events in the past.

Then, out of the blue, there’s Mr. Putin.  He comes up to me and says:

“I’m very sorry the soup wasn’t very good last time.  You see, we didn’t know how many people to expect and were simply overwhelmed.  I’m sure it will be much better this time.”

I then ‘remembered’ that I had written a blog post about the poor quality of the soup and realized that the only explanation was that Vlad was a reader of this blog!  Two thoughts immediately raced through my mind before I could respond:

  1. OMG!  Putin reads my blog.  That is so totally cool!
  2. OMG!  I think I might have written some unflattering stuff about Putin and I do NOT want this dude mad at me.

I woke up trying to think of how I could identify any ‘problem’ posts and edit them quickly before Comrade Bear decided I wasn’t as amusing as he originally thought.

At least try the borscht...It's my mother's recipe.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

I know my posts have consisted of a bit more fluff than usual but:

  1. I’m working on a project at work and need a bit of a break when I get to blog and,
  2. that’s one of the things I really enjoy about my little project here.  I can follow my whims and not get bound by artificial restrictions.

Anyway, I imagine I’ll be getting back to more weighty topics next week.  But for now:

Your Swedish headline of the day:

Blow for bishop as orgasm church flops

Comrade Bear shoots a whale.  Does the Kremlin count as his lair or should he really have a base under a volcano or something?

Putin held his balance in a rubber boat that was being tossed around in choppy waters off the Kamchatka Peninsula, and eventually hit the whale with a special arrow designed to collect skin samples.

Courtesy of Balko, more homeland security nonsense.  Seven people dressed up as zombies and decided to go to the local mall to protest consumerism.  Someone saw their PA system and, freaking out, called the cops who arrested them for:

…disorderly conduct and said the zombies’ homemade public address rig looked like a weapon of mass destruction.

The zombies sued and the city council decided to settle for $165,000.  Good for them.

YT sent me this article about the unveiling of the Iranian drone bomber thingy.  Leave it to the Iranians to screw up on the messaging…

“The jet, as well as being an ambassador of death for the enemies of humanity, has a main message of peace and friendship,” said Ahmadinejad at the inauguration ceremony, which fell on the country’s national day for its defense industries.

WTF does that mean?!  I guess he had an extra dose of crazy with his breakfast.

Is it me or would Putin, Assange and Ahmadinejad make a great league of super villains?  It wouldn’t be a stretch to give them superpowers…Putin could be like Colossus, Assange could be the Leader.  I’m not sure about Ahmadinejad…someone crazy and out of touch with reality…Green Goblin, maybe?

Winter War 2010

The international edition of Helsingin Sanomat recently had an article imagining what a war with Russia would be like today.  I find this strange because there’s no context for the article other than this:

This is an imagined Winter War in 2010. In the speculative scenario, the sides in the war are the same as they were in 1939.

That’s it.  No explanation of why this scenario is examined, by whom or why it’s considered news.

Of course, you know how this is going to end and Comrade Putin ain’t going to be happy…

The Russian jet fighters rushing to the Helsinki region at supersonic speed suffer their first losses in dogfights with Finnish Hornets.

On the Karelian Isthmus, Russia’s motorised army charges ahead with a force in the tens of thousands, with artillery and air support. The aim is to reach the Finnish capital in two days.  However, the forward movement of the forces stops east of the Kymi River, when the Russians confront the Finnish readiness brigades concentrated in the area.

No fixed front lines are established, and the Pasi armoured personnel carriers take fighters from one place to another.

The Russians drop paratroopers at key locations in the Helsinki region. Their aim is to disrupt the distribution of electricity, water, and food.  Finnish special forces surround enemy units near the Malmi Airport. Urban warfare begins, with relentless battles ensuing.

So…is this the result of a bored intern at the newspaper with an over active imagination or perhaps a veiled threat to Russia that if they think about making a habit of invading small, neighboring nations they’re about to get their borscht kicked?

Maybe DJ Vlad should think about kickin’ it old school against take this battle to the realm of Tupak and B.I.G.  He’s got the chops…

Giving Comrade Bear a whole new meaning…

I’m fascinated by Prime Minister Putin, I can’t help it.  And one of the things I really enjoy is the attempts by the Russian information machine to demonstrate what good buddies Putin and President Medvedev are.  The effect, however, (at least to my American eyes) is that this is all a bunch of foundational work for an upcoming romantic comedy featuring the two.  I mean, check out these photos in this Foreign Policy post.  And really, which of us wouldn’t watch that movie?  It’d blow Avatar out of the water…

It might just give a whole new meaning to the Russian bear

(As a note to all members of the FSB and patriotic Russian hackers:  I have only the deepest respect for Mr. Putin so please don’t lace my sushi with radioactive isotopes or shut down this blog via some virus attack – I joke because I’m a fan!)

Pimpin’ it Putin style

Courtesy of Reuters.  Some public relations hack (who, I suspect, is not long for our world) decided it would be a good idea for Comrade Bear to make an appearance at some Russian rap event.

He did not look particularly amused.

Prepping for a Tango and Cash remake…

Check out this photo set from Reuters of Russian leaders Putin and Medvedev.  These guys look like they’re ready to make a buddy movie or something based on their body language.

I thought the pictures of them playing badminton very interesting.  Could you imagine the ourtrage and scorn heaped upon any U.S. politician if photos of them playing badminton were released?

I guess the prospect of ending up in a shallow grave makes most Russians think twice about hurling disrespectful comments at Comrade Bear.  Of course I can now insert a badminton scene into my James Bond screenplay in which Mr. Putin puts in a guest appearance and attempts to take over the world.

“Don’t bother with that gun, Mr. Bond…I’ve taken the precaution of bullet-proofing my shuttlecock.”

Remember…”There is no such thing as a former Chekist.”

Putin strikes again

I know it’s cheap political pandering but geez, I find Vlad Putin damn entertaining.  We just don’t have a politician that can do political theater at this level:

The prime minister abruptly interrupted a meeting with senior retailers at the Moscow White House, the seat of the Russian government, to drag them on an impromptu visit to a nearby branch of the Perekrestok supermarket chain.

Rounding on Yuri Kobaladze, the chain’s head of corporate relations, Mr Putin demanded: “Why do your sausages cost 240 roubles? Is that normal?” “But these are high quality sausages,” Mr Kobaladze replied, looking crestfallen.

But the prime minister was not to be deterred. “Too expensive,” he muttered, before conjuring up a price list from his pocket. “I can show you your mark up. Look at this kind of sausage. You’ve marked it up by 52 per cent.”

“This is double the (cost) price,” he said to Mr Kobaladze. “Is this normal?”

“Is 120 per cent a high mark up?” Mr Kobaladze responded timidly.

“Very high,” the prime minister said.

“It will be lowered tomorrow,” the executive replied.

I’ve got to get these videos on DVD.  You can almost feel these executives squirm as they think about gulags, 3am knocks on the door by trench coat wearing thugs or various Czarist excesses.

This guy really needs a reality show.

Don’t mess with Comrade Bear.

He’s the dancing Czar…

So, it’s not often that so many of the themes of this blog come together in one event:  international affairs, Sweden, music, and Vladimir Putin.  But today, my friends, I hit the jackpot.

Apparently, Vlad is a huge ABBA fan.  Such a fan, in fact, that he hired a tribute band from the U.K. to give a private performance.  He enjoyed the performance so much that he reportedly got his groove thing on to dance and sing along to some of his favorite numbers.

The Russians later moved to deny the story but it seems a little too weird not to be true.  Now, if they said Putin showed up in full Elvis regalia I might be suspicious but can anyone say this is the weirdest thing they’ve heard about Putin?  If you buy the whole shooting tiger thing, his referring to Hillary’s lack of male genitalia, or his becoming a gay icon you have to believe this.

Now, I’ve come up with two possible theories for why this story has come out.

  1. Putin really likes ABBA and that’s it.
  2. Putin saw my earlier post about his veiled threat to attack Sweden and, realizing the world was on to his plans scrambled to find some way to indicate he was no longer going to threaten the kingdom of three crowns.

I think clearly option ’2′ is the most plausible.

So…now that I know you’re a regular reader Vlad, this one is for you…