I woke up before dawn and took a quick look around. The tripod hadn’t moved all night and I hadn’t heard anything for hours. I could tell that the black gas had dissipated and decided that it was my best chance to get out of there. I slipped out the door and headed inland. After a couple of miles I came across a small militia group (the 1st Pennsylvania Teabaggers) who had set up operations in a Dunkin Doughnuts. I was able to grab this video of them in the parking lot right after I told them my story:
I left them and continued inland where I too, heard the news confirmed that the Martians were laid low by the H1N1 virus. There’s now talk of us building a huge monument to the virus (with shopping, casinos and lounge acts inside). Remnants of Congress are debating whether to call it the ‘Freedom Virus’ or the ‘Freedom Virus Under God’.
Of course, now we have to start to rebuild. Much of the world has been destroyed and the costs have been high. New Zealand, however, has escaped unharmed and come out of this crisis as the new world’s superpower.
John Key, New Zealand’s Prime Minister, has now revealed to the world that for decades New Zealand has been working on creating a vast army of genetically modified killer kiwis, parrots, and sharks and if we don’t start doing what they say we’ll be in BIG trouble.
What can we do? I for one, welcome our New Zealander overlords and am preparing for our new life…
Happy Halloween everyone. I’d like to thank Jason and Peter for rescuing this from being a lame exercise and giving it a shot of ‘omph’. If you haven’t read their descriptions of the invasion, do yourself a favor and check them out. There’s some real gold in them, thar blog posts. Also check out the commentators on some of the posts who got into the spirit of the season.
Finally, if you haven’t done it already, do yourself a HUGE favor and check out the original recording with Orson Wells. It clocks in at under an hour, and while I enjoy the broadcast news portion more than the straight narrative in the second half, it is a classic.
So now we return to our regularly scheduled blogging. At least until next year…I’ve been hearing scattered reports of the dead returning to life to devour the brains of the living…
And for those of you who thought our little story was true…You know who you are…You spent the night in the cellar with your guns and your beef jerky planning your escape. Don’t be ashamed, you weren’t the first. I’ll leave you with Mr. Wells:
This is Orson Welles, ladies and gentlemen, out of character to assure you that The War of The Worlds has no further significance than as the holiday offering it was intended to be. The Mercury Theatre’s own radio version of dressing up in a sheet and jumping out of a bush and saying Boo! Starting now, we couldn’t soap all your windows and steal all your garden gates by tomorrow night. . . so we did the best next thing. We annihilated the world before your very ears, and utterly destroyed the C. B. S. You will be relieved, I hope, to learn that we didn’t mean it, and that both institutions are still open for business. So goodbye everybody, and remember the terrible lesson you learned tonight. That grinning, glowing, globular invader of your living room is an inhabitant of the pumpkin patch, and if your doorbell rings and nobody’s there, that was no Martian. . .it’s Hallowe’en.