Tag Archives: wotw

Can it really be over?

I woke up before dawn and took a quick look around.  The tripod hadn’t moved all night and I hadn’t heard anything for hours.  I could tell that the black gas had dissipated and decided that it was my best chance to get out of there.  I slipped out the door and headed inland.  After a couple of miles I came across a small militia group (the 1st Pennsylvania Teabaggers) who had set up operations in a Dunkin Doughnuts.  I was able to grab this video of them in the parking lot right after I told them my story:

I left them and continued inland where I too, heard the news confirmed that the Martians were laid low by the H1N1 virus.  There’s now talk of us building a huge monument to the virus (with shopping, casinos and lounge acts inside).  Remnants of Congress are debating whether to call it the ‘Freedom Virus’ or the ‘Freedom Virus Under God’.

Of course, now we have to start to rebuild.  Much of the world has been destroyed and the costs have been high.  New Zealand, however, has escaped unharmed and come out of this crisis as the new world’s superpower.

John Key, New Zealand’s Prime Minister, has now revealed to the world that for decades New Zealand has been working on creating a vast army of genetically modified killer kiwis, parrots, and sharks and if we don’t start doing what they say we’ll be in BIG trouble.

What can we do?  I for one, welcome our New Zealander overlords and am preparing for our new life…

Cheers!

Happy Halloween everyone.  I’d like to thank Jason and Peter for rescuing this from being a lame exercise and giving it a shot of ‘omph’.  If you haven’t read their descriptions of the invasion, do yourself a favor and check them out.  There’s some real gold in them, thar blog posts.  Also check out the commentators on some of the posts who got into the spirit of the season.

Finally, if you haven’t done it already, do yourself a HUGE favor and check out the original recording with Orson Wells.  It clocks in at under an hour, and while I enjoy the broadcast news portion more than the straight narrative in the second half, it is a classic.

So now we return to our regularly scheduled blogging.  At least until next year…I’ve been hearing scattered reports of the dead returning to life to devour the brains of the living…

And for those of you who thought our little story was true…You know who you are…You spent the night in the cellar with your guns and your beef jerky planning your escape.  Don’t be ashamed, you weren’t the first.  I’ll leave you with Mr. Wells:

This is Orson Welles, ladies and gentlemen, out of character to assure you that The War of The Worlds has no further significance than as the holiday offering it was intended to be. The Mercury Theatre’s own radio version of dressing up in a sheet and jumping out of a bush and saying Boo! Starting now, we couldn’t soap all your windows and steal all your garden gates by tomorrow night. . . so we did the best next thing. We annihilated the world before your very ears, and utterly destroyed the C. B. S. You will be relieved, I hope, to learn that we didn’t mean it, and that both institutions are still open for business. So goodbye everybody, and remember the terrible lesson you learned tonight. That grinning, glowing, globular invader of your living room is an inhabitant of the pumpkin patch, and if your doorbell rings and nobody’s there, that was no Martian. . .it’s Hallowe’en.

 

 

Advertisements

Get your ass to Wellington!

As the other side of the world is waking up to the realization of this martian invasion there’s big news.  For some reason, as yet undetermined, the Martians have not landed in New Zealand!  That may be the last safe place on the face of the earth.

Still, there is some disturbing news coming from there.  John McCain was in Wellington to judge some sort of Kiwi barbecue  contest when word of the invasion came down.  Given the ambiguous location of both the President and Vice-President, he’s declared himself the leader of the free world and has retreated to the back country in the hopes of mustering the hordes of orcs and goblins he heard about from a documentary he claims to have seen while on the campaign trail in order to beat back the invasion.

I’ve also just seen guidance from a military website stating that all tripod attacks made via their heat ray will be referred to as Martian Improved Combustion Events (M.I.C.E.) which should not be confused with the explosions of gas seen on the surface of Mars yesterday, also called M.I.C.E. (Martian Improvised Conventional Explosives) by U.S. Space Command.  Obviously the G.A.A.A.C. (the Governmental Agency for Acronym Anti-Confliction pronounced Gaak) is out of the fight which is going to result is serious problems with continuity of government issues for us.

Update

Things are quiet now.  The aliens have either returned to their tripods or have shacked up in one of the other houses around here, but I kind of doubt that.  I went back upstairs to quickly grab some things and came back down to the basement.  I’ve got enough food and water to last a couple of days easily down here.

And I got the shotgun and a box of shells.

I also have a name for the owner(s) of this house.  Mr. and Mrs. W. Lepeire (at least according to their NRA membership card).

It’s here

its coming down the stairs…sounds like it’s crawling.

just realized I left the shotgun upstairs and all i’ve got is the pistol.

if anyone makes it out of this, please check on my family.  Tell them I went down blogging…

It’s in the house

I just started hearing noises upstairs.  Sounds like their tearing the place up.  Definitely not footsteps.  More like someone putting their foot down and then dragging a leg behind them except the dragging is much louder.

Something like that can’t come down the stairs.  There’s no way it’d be able to maneuver it.

I should be fine here.

In the basement

god, can my luck get any worse?

Ten minutes after my last post I heard a crashing outside.  I looked out the window and saw one of those tripods heading right for me.  It seems the martians want to take advantage of the high ground as well.  I rushed down the the basement with all the stuff I could carry.  I made two trips before the tripod got so close I didn’t want to risk making any noise.

I’ve set up a nook here behind a bunch of boxes and under blankets.  It’s like those forts I used to make when I was a kid but I figured it’d muffle any sound I might make and keep me hidden if anything decides to check out the basement.

haven’t heard anything for a few minutes now.  I can hunker down here all night if I have to. I’ll keep posting as long as I can.

Plan B

That didn’t go as planned.  I just got a few miles when I saw that black gas.  I still don’t know what it is but I saw it pouring down the river and knew immediately I didn’t want to go through it.  I saw it engulf a few geese which made it about three wing beats before they let out a scream I didn’t know they could make and hit the water.

I cut west into the town of Yardley and moved as fast as I could.  The gas generally sticks to the low ground so I had some time before it achieved the required density to rise over the banks of the river.  I didn’t want to screw around in the dark for too long since I was afraid of riding right through a patch of this gas.  There’s a patch of high ground about a mile in from the river where there’s a tract of McMansions.  They all seem abandoned so I forced my way through one of the back door (man, I think that was the scariest thing I’ve done all day.  I kept picturing somebody taking a shot at me).

There’s still power and I found a computer (and, obviously an internet connection) so I figured I’d keep updating as long as I can.  It’s hard to see much but from the top floor I think I can see the gas continuing to spread.  It looks really inky and thick.  Not at all like tear gas or signal smoke.  Much thicker.

Hopefully this gas disperses by tomorrow and I’ll be able to move on.  I’ve easily got a week’s food here, even without power and plenty of water.  I started filling up every cup, glass and tupperware with water just in case.

If this gas moves in, does anyone have any suggestions to improvise a gas mask?  I don’t even know if it inhaled or contact poison.

I found a shotgun in one of the closets.  Not sure what I would do with it but it does give me a bit more confidence than my puny pistol did.